Wednesday, 6 February 2019

The war is over.



I just got home from my psychiatrists' office and you won't believe what transpired today...


DISCHARGE


That was the topic of conversation. I'm saying it again just to be sure, DISCHARGE.

A lifetime at war with myself and 5 years stuck in the mental health system, and we are finally talking about discharge. I cannot believe this is happening.

I have come such a long way; through the cutting, the suicide attempts, the torment, the depression, the mania. It has all led to this. Stability.

I couldn't have done it without the all the support from my friends and family. So I will take this moment to say THANK YOU.

Thank you for holding me when I cried, for wiping up my mess and staying strong through crisis.


Without you, by my side, I was doing this with half a heart.


Without your words of encouragement and love, I was an echo down an empty hallway.



Without the strength you have shown me I could never have found that for myself.








The therapy, the psychiatrists, the medication, the care strategies, the rehabilitation classes .. ALL of it has led to now.

A couple of years ago I was on an intense prescription of medication, over 1400mg of drugs per day. Now I can say with a more holistic approach that I am on 102mg. Yeah it takes time, it takes trial and error, it takes hard work BUT it can be done.

Special thanks to Dr. Boston, Dorion Dellabough, my caseworker Andrew, Vancouver Island Health Authority. . the list goes on.

Biggest thanks to my mumma, my rock. Flying from Scotland to sit by my side at doctors appointments. Late night phone calls and messages. Nonjudgemental love and guidance the whole way through.

Andrew, that day you brought me to the mental health emergency services all I could think of was disappearing, escaping, getting out. The voices, the visions, the sleepless nights, the panic attacks and everything in between was a test, but in the end part of the journey.

You cannot appreciate the stars until it gets dark, and if darkness took me one step closer to the light then I regret NOTHING.


I can only hope and pray that this is my life now, and if there are blips? I know I will get through them because there is always tomorrow. There is always another chance, another path, another push to success.

IT GETS BETTER.

I promise you that.

5 years ago, in the midst of a major psychosis, I could barely tie my own shoelaces. My mind was scattered, my brain stopped working and my life was teetering on the edge of existence.

I stand before you today and I scream, 'YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS'.

It might seem like a hell hole right now but there is another side.

There IS happiness.

I love you all so much.

Thank you.

xo