I am like a frantic little child right now, but I have good cause.
How freaking amaze balls is that. I can't believe it myself. I checked the calendar just the other day and I was reminded of just how good my good mood has been. It's gonna be 4 full months at the beginning of April.
Now this is an entirely new feeling to me. If I were to be completely honest, I would say life hasn't been this smooth a sail since I was in my early teens. That's almost 15 years to put it into perspective.
I spent my first couple of happy months worried about what I thought was an inevitable spiral. I've just gotten to thinking. . what if that doesn't even happen? What if this is it. What if I now have the medication schedule and care strategies in place that keep me on a steady playing field. What if. Eeeeeehhh I'm so back flipping, forward flipping excited.
Home life has been good, work life has been good, school life has been good, relationships have been good, overall health has been good. The only thing I'm really missing out on, (according to the handy Crestbd Quality of life tool) is my spiritual side of life. . and there is a very big, psychosis ridden reason for that, but hey, life is my freaking oyster. Maybe now is the time for my spirituality to blossom, who knows.
Anyhoozle. I'm gonna bring my excitement down to a 9 and write a paper for school, I mostly just wanted to share.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Sunday, 12 March 2017
I'll be damned if I ever thought I would be doing this again. It's a big change. School eh?
At the beginning of last year I made a conscious decision to return to higher education. Part of my decision was to take up a Psychology course at Uvic, in a bid to learn more about my mind, it's workings, and of course disorders. It is allowing me to read further into my illness and hopefully with time, I will find better ways of managing it.
I never imagined at 28, after 12 years in one industry, that I'd be taking a step back from what I've known for so long and diving head first into something new.
Mostly it's great for me. I get to learn new things every day, how can that be bad? The structure and routine is very calming. I also have a new sense of purpose, which is nice. Uvic has a plethora of mental health resources and I feel extremely supported in all that I do.
There are however, flaws to my new plan. I never thought I'd feel so old, so young. I try to get past it but it plays on my mind. Another thing is the class sizes. They can be intense with 200-300 people per lecture. I think I have it down pat though; arrive early, get the exit seat at the back of the room and keep my head down. On the odd occasion I'll have a panic attack. On a bad occasion I'll have 4.
In terms of having a mental illness, all of the above can be challenging. I struggle with memory and concentration, partly down to the illness but honestly I think the other part is due to medication. There was a time when my meds were being tweaked every other week and I found it extremely hard to deal with school. Anxiety levels can go through the roof for anyone at exam time, even more so for myself. I can't say this enough, but it really is all about balance.
I chose to drop out half way through last semester, mostly because the panic attacks were getting way out of hand. That seems to have subsided for now and I am rocking out A's in my most recent midterms. I can only hope it continues.
I still often think I am dreaming. It's such an exciting change.
Recently I added English into my curriculum, with the hopes that I can continue writing. . and who knows, maybe even someday become a great writer.
I don't know where this course will take me but right now I only see good things.